The Electronics Universe

The basic rules of Rural America.

1.Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2.Turn your cap straight, your head isn\'t crooked.
3.Let\'s get this straight; it\'s called a \'dirt road.\' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you\'re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4.They are cattle. They\'re live steaks. That\'s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don\'t like it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south. Pick one.
5.So you have a $60,000 car. We\'re impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6.So every person in rural America waves. It\'s called \'being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7.If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don\'t have it up to your ear at the time.
8.Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It\'s available at the corner bait shop.
9.The \'Opener\' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It\'s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10.We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11.There\'s little for \'vegetarians\' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef\'s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12.When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13.You bring \'coke\' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14.You bring \'Mary Jane\' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15.Major League and triple A baseball here are very important to us. Learn to enjoy it. It is much more interesting than the liberal news shows anyway.
16.Yeah, we have golf courses. But don\'t hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17.Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18.We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don\'t mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19.Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain\'t music, anyway. We don\'t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20.TWO inches of snow & ice isn\'t a blizzard - it\'s a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON\'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain\'t Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.

Iranian Air Defense: Unknown Aircraft, you are in Iranian Airspace, Identify.

Aircraft: This is a United States Aircraft, I am in Iraqi Airspace.

Iranian Air Defense: You are in Iranian Airspace. If you do not depart our airspace immediately we will launch interceptor aircraft.

Aircraft: This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send ‘em up, I’ll wait.

Iranian Air Defense: (silence……)

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs; phone rings , but if I answer the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with \'the girls\' a lot recently , although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don\'t know them " . I try to stay awake and look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.  

 

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her. Around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with \'the girls \' . When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.  

 

It was at that moment, crouching behind my golf clubs, that I noticed a hairline crack where the grip meets the graphite shaft on my 3-wood. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro-shop where I bought it?

Today I took the back panels off my widescreen, after being unable to brighten the picture up with the remote.   It was just plain old dusty inside.  Dealers charge up to 100 bux for this, or a bit higher with pickup and delivery.   I cleaned off the 3 glass lenses with a warm, wet towel.  Took the vacum cleaner and cleaned off the electronics, since cleaner means cooler, which gives it much longer life.  The picture improvement was amazing.  It looks like a different television, the picture is SOOOO much  better.    Took about 15 minutes total.  The only tools needed is a 1/4 inch nutdriver, and a vacuum cleaner with a removable hose.    

I hope this helps you guyz as much as did me.  I am just so amazed at the improvement, I had to share, lmao.  :arf2:

(Dec. 11) - The full moon Friday night will be the biggest one of the year as Earth\'s natural satellite reaches its closest point to our planet.
 John McConnico, AP
Friday night\'s full moon will be the biggest of the year, astronomers say.

Earth, the moon and the sun are all bound together by gravity, which keeps us going around the sun and keeps the moon going around us as it goes through phases. The moon makes a trip around Earth every 29.5 days. But the orbit is not a perfect circle.
The moon\'s average distance from us is about 238,855 miles. Friday night it will be just 221,560 miles away. It will be 14 percent bigger in our sky and 30 percent brighter than some other full moons during the year, according to NASA.
Tides will be higher Friday night, too. Earth\'s oceans are pulled by the gravity of the moon and the sun. So when the moon is closer, tides are pulled higher. Scientists call these perigean tides, because the moon\'s closest point to Earth is called perigee. The farthest point on the lunar orbit is called apogee.

Why Beer Is Better Than Obama
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." --Benjamin Franklin
Beer is better than Obama because soldiers like beer.
Beer is better than Obama because sailors like beer.
Beer is better than Obama because marines like beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t come from Madrassas.
Beer is better than Obama because you know what\'s in beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer won\'t take half your paycheck.
Beer is better than Obama because beer makes life a little better.
Beer is better than Obama because you\'re sad if there\'s no more beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t lie.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t have entitlement demands.
Beer is better than Obama because beer and whine don\'t mix.
Beer is better than Obama because beer has a pretty good head on it.
Beer is better than Obama because beer and bowling go together.
Beer is better than Obama because beer and arugula don\'t.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t mind if you cling to your beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn’t trash talk you behind your back.
Beer is better than Obama because cold beer disproves the myth of man made global warming.
Beer is better than Obama because imported beer doesn’t pretend to be domestic.
Beer is better than Obama because beer likes it when I set my thermostat COLD.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is GREEN only on St. Patrick’s Day.
Beer is better than Obama because beer didn’t smoke pot and snort coke.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is better than Vichy Water.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is unpretentious.
Beer is better than Obama because people in small towns cling to God, guns and beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t promise you a free lunch.
Beer is better than Obama because there ain\'t no Pabst Bilal* Ribbon. Not yet anyway.
*"Bilal - Satisfies thirst; name of the Prophets Muezzin (one who calls for prayer)"
Beer is better than Obama because beer won’t throw you under the bus.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t cut and run.
Beer is better than Obama because beer isn\'t phony.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t flip-flop.
Beer is better than Obama because beer’s ingredients known for sure.
Beer is better than Obama because beer makes people happy.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is as American as apple pie.
Beer is better than Obama because beer isn\'t promoted on National Public Radio.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t mind if you own an SUV.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t care how much you make.
Beer is better than Obama because a beer won\'t blame America for 9/11.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t whine, it bubbles.
Beer is better than Obama because beer isn\'t a lawyer.
Beer is better than Obama because beer comes with an expiration date.
Beer is better than Obama because beer and NASCAR go together.
Beer is better than Obama because you\'re not afraid to turn your back on a beer.
Beer is better than Obama because beers don\'t have friends who bombed the pentagon.
Beer is better than Obama because an empty beer is better than an empty suit.
Beer is better than Obama because beer minds its own business..
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t tell you what you want to hear.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is worth what you pay for it.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t lecture you about "global warming."
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t care what color you are.
Beer is better than Obama because beer doesn\'t want to take away your gun.
Beer is better than Obama because beer is popular with working people.
Beer is better than Obama because beer isn\'t crazy.
Beer is better than Obama because beers don\'t start out as empties.
Beer is better than Obama because beers don\'t rig elections.
Beer is better than Obama because beers don\'t raise taxes.
Beer is better than Obama because beer and coke don\'t mix

Nuff said.  :arf2:

When the lightning flashes, this is NOT what you want to see.
 
 
 
THIS IS A PICTURE THAT SOMEONE TOOK WHO WORKS ON AN OIL RIG. HE WAS GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE
 
OF THE LIGHTNING AND WAS UNAWARE OF THE TORNADO UNTIL THE LIGHTNING ILLUMINATED IT.  
 
 
 
This is a one-in-a-million photo...............
 

 
Taken Thursday night, April 3, 2008.
Lariat # 2 Sandridge Energy