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Topics - crazy

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46
Trivia And Games / The lawyer and the new Lexus...
« on: August 15, 2008, 08:31:56 AM »
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I cant believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you dont notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Dont you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Wheres my Rolex!"

47
Trivia And Games / Having a bad day, are you?
« on: August 15, 2008, 08:26:01 AM »
Having a Bad Day
In a hospital\'s Intensive Care Unit, patients

always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at

about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical

condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even

thought it had something to do

with the supernatural. No one could solve the

mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00

a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was

assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.



The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00

a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited

outside the ward to see for themselves what the

terrible phenom enon was all about. Some were

holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other

holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.


Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson,

the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and

unplugged the life support system so he could use

the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after

the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was

$80,000.00. At a special

ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals

were being released back into the wild amid cheers

and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate

them both.


Still think you are having a Bad Day????

A woman came home to find her husband in the

kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing

frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his

waist towards the electric kettle.Intending to

jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked

him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in

two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily
listening tohis Walkman.

STILL think you\'re having a Bad Day????

Two animal rights defenders were protesting the

cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn,

Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke

loose and escaped through a broken fence,

stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn\'t pay

enough postage on a letter bomb. It came

back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and

was blown to bits.

There now, feel better????

48
Trivia And Games / And then there was a big fight....
« on: August 15, 2008, 08:23:20 AM »
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver\'s license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would ha ve to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, \'Unbutton your shirt\'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, \'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me\'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, \'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too\'
And then the fight started.....

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked,\' Do you know her?\'
\'Yes,\' I sighed, \'She\'s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn\'t been sober since.\'
\'My God!\' says my wife, \'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?\'
And then the fight started.....

49
Trivia And Games / Bullcrap and brilliance!
« on: August 15, 2008, 08:18:06 AM »
Bulls**t and Brilliance

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari inAfrica, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he\'s lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.


The old poodle thinks, \'Oh, oh! I\'m in deep doo-doo now!\' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, \'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?\'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. \'Whew!\' says the leopard, \'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!\'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, \'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what\'s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, \'What am I going to do now?\', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn\'t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says,

\'Where\'s that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don\'t mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bulls**t and brilliance only come with age and experience.



I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more youthfully challenged.



You did notice the size of the print?

50
Debate Forum / Official demorat campaign car.
« on: August 12, 2008, 10:26:55 PM »
Like their messages, going nowhere fast.

U figure it out, I have a headache from all the turnarounds Obama has thrown out latetly!

51
Debate Forum / Obama, the UN Patriotic one.
« on: August 12, 2008, 10:24:11 PM »
Obama The Patriot - Removes American Flag From His Plane

The Patriot Room
Posted on Tuesday, July 22, 2008 8:11:07 AM by Bill Dupray

Barack Obama recently finished a $500,000 total overhaul of his 757. And as part of the new design, he decided toremove the American flag from the tail... What American running for President of the United States would remove the symbol of his country?And worse, he replaced the flag with it with a symbol of himself...  
 

I can\'t swear by this, but I believe it somehow.  Doesn\'t surprise me a bit.  But I bet he repaints it.   The Flip-Flop man now even wants to drill for oil, like most intelligent citizens, offshore.   Looking for a vote, he will do anything to get one too.

52
Trivia And Games / Headlines from the year 2029!
« on: July 27, 2008, 06:03:04 AM »
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR  2029


 

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia,  (formerly known as  California ) . .White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia\'s third language.



Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.



Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.




Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.



Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.




France pleads for global help after being taken over by  Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!



Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.




George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.




Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.




85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.



Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba (Formerly known as Florida).




Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


Abortion clinics now available in every High School in  United States


Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.



Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.



Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.



Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.



New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.



IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.



Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.


Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then, guess what....NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile.

53
How To Install A Home Security System In The South
================================================== =

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men\'s used size
14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns
and Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Me, Big Jim, Duke and Slim went for more ammunition.
Back in an hour. Don\'t mess with the pit bulls - they attacked
the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don\'t
think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all
the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of \'em in the house.
Better wait outside.

J.J.

54
Trivia And Games / Herman is AWOL!
« on: July 06, 2008, 12:05:26 AM »
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

55
Debate Forum / A surprising history of Obamas lineage!
« on: July 04, 2008, 11:11:15 PM »
Why is the fact that Mr. Obama is only 6.25% African Negro not reported?
Because to acknowledge it is to report this devastating truth about him: Mr. Obama is not legally African-American. It is impossible for him to be, in truth, America\'s first African-American president.
Federal law requires that to claim a minority status, you must be at least 1/8 of the descriptor, but for the sake of this article, I\'ve converted it to a decimal fraction for easier comprehension. You must be at least 12.5% of the racial component you claim for minority status. Mr. Obama, claiming to be African-American, is half the legal threshold.
Again, to let it sink in: Mr. Obama is not legally African-American. It is impossible for him to be, in truth, America\'s first African-American president.
[...]
Mr. Obama is 50% Caucasian, that from his mother. What those who want Mr. Obama to write history by becoming "America\'s first African-American president" ignore is that his father was ethnically Arabic, with only 1 relative ethnically African Negro - a maternal great-grandparent (Sen. Obama\'s great-great grandparent, thus the 6.25% ethnic contribution to the senator\'s ethnic composition).

This means that the media, which has trumpeted his historic candidacy while chiding the campaigns of Clinton and McCain for "playing the race card", has categorized and judged Barack Obama not on the facts of his life, but solely on the color of his skin.
The irony is delicious, and will more than likely be lost on 98% of the American public.
More on Obama\'s heritage:
Here is the truth about Mr. Obama\'s name, and his father\'s ancestors:
True Negro tribal members of western Kenya where his father was born have Christian names, not Arabic. His father\'s decision to name him with an Arabic name is a matter of his father establishing his ethnic identity in Africa - it is done deliberately to separate him from the African tribes. He may live among them, but he is not one of them. His father\'s message is that he is Arabic, not Negro.
Many will find these truths unsettling. I\'m often asked, "But I thought his father was Kenyan. How could Mr. Obama not be African-American, how could his ethnic composition be so Arabic?"
The definitive clue to that answer is to look at his name, his father\'s name, and the names of all his ancestors on his father\'s side. They are all Arabic.
Researching his roots reveal that on his father\'s side, he is descended from Arab slave traders. They operated under an extended grant from Queen Victoria, who gave them the right to continue the slave trade in exchange for helping the British defeat the Madhi Army in southern Sudan and the Upper Nile region. Funny how circular is history; now the British again face the Madhi Army, albeit this time Shiite, not Sunni, as in nineteenth century Sudan.
But telling America\'s black community that while their ancestors were breaking the shackles of slavery, Mr. Obama\'s ancestors were placing those shackles upon their wrists would hardly play as an Oprah Winfrey best-seller.
Being the son of a poor Kenyan goat-herder plays much better than being the son of a highly placed Arab-African who operated at the top of the Kenyan government following his education at Columbia. You see, even the way he portrays his father is a lie.

The story here is not entirely about who or what Obama is, but also about how eagerly Americans, guided by the media, have swallowed the lie. Kenneth Lamb\'s article, excerpted above, was published at his blog in February. Four months later, it\'s made barely a ripple in the public consciousness.
His autobiography is full of "composite characters and other fictionalized elements", which Obama himself admits in the preface to Dreams of My Father - but then he goes out and repeats those fictionalized stories on the campaign trail even after they\'ve been debunked. Not exactly reassuring from a man who\'s running for president.
The facts bring Obama down to the level of a typical, grubbing politician. His life story has been spun for maximum political effect right down to his roots. In that respect, he\'s no different than John McCain, whose capture and time as a P.O.W. has likewise been spun for posterity.
WaPo columnist Richard Cohen closed a piece on Obama with an interesting paragraph:
This tendency to manipulate facts may bear watching in Obama. (After all, we hardly know him.) But while his book is a warning flag, it is also an astounding display of a supple, first-class mind - not merely a bright fellow, but an insightful one, and the single best piece of writing by a politician since John F. Kennedy\'s "Profiles in Courage."

Interesting, because Profiles in Courage was authored by JFK\'s speechwriter, Ted Sorensen.
So what are we left with? Two actors hired for roles in a play, scripted and stage-managed by people unseen, onto whom we project the people we want them to be.
Same as it ever was.

56
Debate Forum / The plan for approving same sex marriages.
« on: June 28, 2008, 01:31:01 PM »
here\'s one for ya.....lol

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE PLAN

A. Back off and let those men who want to marry men, marry men.

B. Allow those women who want to marry women, marry women.

C. Allow those folks who want to abort their babies, abort their babies.

D. In three generations, there will be no Democrats.

I love it when a plan comes together.
LMAOOOOOO

57
Trivia And Games / Solution for high gas/oil prices.
« on: June 27, 2008, 11:31:57 AM »
OPEC Sells Oil For $136.00 A Barrel.

OPEC Nation Buys Grain For $7.00 A Bushel.

Solution: Sell Grain For $136.00 Bushel.


Can\'t Buy It?
Tough!
Eat Your Oil!
It Should Go Well With A Nice Thick Grilled Filet Of Camels Ass!!
It Sounds Fair To Me.
What Do You Think?

58
Trivia And Games / 60 years ago, next month........
« on: June 22, 2008, 06:09:39 PM »
July 8, 1947!!

Many of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, almost exactly 60 Years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal Agencies and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?
I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It did for me!!

Personally I would rather have the aliens!

59
Trivia And Games / Just friends.......
« on: June 14, 2008, 05:34:15 PM »
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, a lovely looking woman became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn\'t.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Irishman who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don\'t even know who you are!"

The Irishman just smiled and said, "Well, lass, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I sort of figured we were friends."

60
Trivia And Games / The Radical Terrorist and the Marine.
« on: June 06, 2008, 09:14:48 AM »
Two Radical Terrorists boarded a flight out of London . One
>took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat... Just
>before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff,
>the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when
>the terrorist in the window seat said, "I need t o get up and get a coke."
>
> "Don\'t get up," said the Marine, "I\'m in the aisle seat, "I\'ll get
>it for you."
>
> As soon as he left, one of the terrorists picked up the Marines shoe and
>spat in it.
>
> When the Marine returned with the coke, the other terrorist said, "That
>looks good, I\'d really like one,too."
>
> Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the
>other terrorist picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
>
> When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
>
> As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes
>and knew immediately what had happened.
>
> "Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go
>on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This
>spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
>
> THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES. !

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