The Electronics Universe

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy\'s response is hilarious, but read State\'s letter before you get to the response letter.



SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department\'s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.


Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:


Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood \'debris\' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials \'debris.\'

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.



These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers areaware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.

(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren\'t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department\'s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream \'restored\' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers\' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office

THANK YOU,

RYAN DEVRIES
& THE DAM BEAVERS

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they
talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby
table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or
so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the
hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes
her head no. Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn
blue and shakes her head no; The hillbilly walks over to the woman,
lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right
butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has
a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she
begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His
partner says, "Ya know, I\'d heerd of that there \'Hind Lick Maneuver\' but
I ain\'t niver seed nobody do it!"

Ever wonder who is man\'s best friend?

Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for 1 hour.
When you open it,Guess which one will be happy to see you?

Your Right!

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""
Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of
her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"
~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear
Lord, please don\'t let me be late! Dear Lord,
please don\'t let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She gotup,brushed herself
off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to
pray"Dear Lord, please don\'t let me be late...But please don\'t shove me either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first
boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a
poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That\'s nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him
$100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on
a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect
all the money!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
;male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, "They wouldn\'t take me out while I was alive,
I don\'t want them to take me out when I\'m dead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to
arrest your own mother?" He answered,
"Call for backup."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn\'t get a
baby-sitter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and
thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam\'s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed
him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the
matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I\'m going
to have a wife."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this
Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It\'s
probably just your Dad."

Subject: Pet Fish

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin\' a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man, \'Do you have a license to catch those fish?\'

\'Naw, sir\', replied the redneck. \'I ain\'t got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish.\'

\'Pet fish?\'

\'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let \'em swim \'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take \'em home.\'

\'That\'s a bunch of hooey! Fish can\'t do that.\'

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said, \'It\'s the truth Mr. Government Man. I\'ll show ya. It really works.\'

\'O. K.\', said the warden. \'I\'ve got to see this!\'

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says, \'Well?\'

\'Well, what?\', says the redneck.

The warden says, \'When are you going to call them back?\'

\'Call who back?\'

\'The FISH\', replied the warden!

\'What fish?\', replied the redneck.

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain\'t as dumb as some government employees.

And you can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.

How can I change how many programs load on start up?  I know how to go to ms-config and make changes, but then I have to use selective startup.
Surely there is a simple way to select what I wish to load.  If anyone can give me some detailed help, I sure would appreciate it.

Thanks!  crazy

Broke Back Deer Camp
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The guys were all at deer camp.
> They had to bunk two to a room.
>
>
> No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.
> They decided it wasn\'t fair to make one of them stay with him
>the
> whole time, so they voted to take turns.
>
> The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
>morning
> with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, \'Man,
>what
> happened to you?\'
>
> He said, \'Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched
>him all
> night.\'
>
> The next night it was a different guy\'s turn. In the
>morning, same
> thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
>
> They said, \'Man, what happened to you? You look awful!\'
>
> He said, \'Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up andwatched
>him all
> night.\'
>
> The third night was Frank\'s turn. Frank was a big burly
>ex-football
> player; a man\'s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright
>eyed and
> bushy tailed. \'Good morning,\' he said. They couldn\'t believe it!
>
>
> They said, \'Man, what happened?\'
>
>
> He said, \'Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl
>into bed
> and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night \'