The Electronics Universe

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.The man\'s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, ‘Say Father, what causes arthritis?\'

The priest replies, \'My Son, it\'s caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,!
Sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.\'
The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I\'ll be damned,"
Then he returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
\'I\'m very sorry. I didn\'t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?\'
The drunk answered,........\'I don\'t have it, Father.....I was just reading here that the Pope does.\'



This funny, I don\'t care who U R!

I work in Greensboro/Burlington, right on I-40.  I am from the Danville Va, area, just on the NC side of it.

I was in Concord on Thursday though, on my way to Aiken SC.

Small world, huh?

I have been working in Harrisonburg Va for the last year.  I am on the road a lot with this job, too.  Haven\'t seen many plates, but I am always looking.  

C ya,  Crazy

^Bump^

Great work.  :carrot:

Presidential candidate Barack Hussein Obama was visiting a primary school and visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy.” So our illustrious democratic presidential candidate asked the class for an example of a “tragedy.”

One little boy stood up and offered: “If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a “tragedy.”

“No,” said Obama, “that would be an accident.”

A little girl raised her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” explained Obama. “That’s what we would call a great loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: “If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a “friendly fire” missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.”

“Fantastic!” exclaimed Obama. “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?”

“Well,” says the boy, “It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn’t be a great loss… and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

The basic rules of Rural America.

1.Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2.Turn your cap straight, your head isn\'t crooked.
3.Let\'s get this straight; it\'s called a \'dirt road.\' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you\'re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4.They are cattle. They\'re live steaks. That\'s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don\'t like it? Hwy 7 & 401 goes east and west, Hwy 15 & 416 goes north and south. Pick one.
5.So you have a $60,000 car. We\'re impressed. We have $150,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6.So every person in rural America waves. It\'s called \'being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7.If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don\'t have it up to your ear at the time.
8.Yeah, we eat meat and potatoes. You really want sushi & caviar? It\'s available at the corner bait shop.
9.The \'Opener\' refers to the first day of deer hunting season. It\'s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10.We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11.There\'s little for \'vegetarians\' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef\'s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12.When we set a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
13.You bring \'coke\' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14.You bring \'Mary Jane\' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15.Major League and triple A baseball here are very important to us. Learn to enjoy it. It is much more interesting than the liberal news shows anyway.
16.Yeah, we have golf courses. But don\'t hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
17.Colleges? We have them all over. We have Universities and Community Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18.We have a whole ton of folks in the Armed Forces. So don\'t mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19.Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain\'t music, anyway. We don\'t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1).
20.TWO inches of snow & ice isn\'t a blizzard - it\'s a vacation. Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON\'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain\'t Alaska , worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The pickups with snow blades and tractors with snow blowers will have you out the next day.

Iranian Air Defense: Unknown Aircraft, you are in Iranian Airspace, Identify.

Aircraft: This is a United States Aircraft, I am in Iraqi Airspace.

Iranian Air Defense: You are in Iranian Airspace. If you do not depart our airspace immediately we will launch interceptor aircraft.

Aircraft: This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send ‘em up, I’ll wait.

Iranian Air Defense: (silence……)

The man we bought it from is dead, and I still owe his widow for the mortgage, which I pay every month.   There are 2 acres of dump, but actually only about 1/2 acre of it is on me.  The rest is on my aunt, and she deserves every square inch of it.